Anon said: "How do you rekindle romance, Koyuk? Yeah, yeah - every partnership gets into a rut and you have to deal with the monotony of work and day-to-day life issues, but how do you put some spark back into it so the lovin' flows freely?"
ERRRRG! Erf! Okay, well two options there human. First is there something worth rekindling or did someone already piss on the ashes? Sometime, the spark leaves because it was never more than a smolder to begin with. Maybe the fire is out. Is this a two sided concern? Does he/she worry about this too? Do you talk about it? Or is this just you worrying about it?
Based on your answers to some of these questions, let's examine some possibilities. If the the ashes are cold and grey, sorry you can either be in passionless relationship or head to the pound for some fresh meat! If you BOTH are talking about it and are concerned mutually, then here are some ideas!
Get out of dodge! If you have pups, find a sitter and get out of dodge! And don't do some practical sappy (gag like a cat) "romantic" get away that he/she would see coming a mile away! Don't go where you normally go. Don't do what you normally would do! If you normally would go to Orlando and go to a theme park and then watch baseball training camps, you're and idiot and you should not do that! Do a little research. I'm tired of this he/she crap so I will assume it is a bitch not a stud we are talking about. So think of what she has always wanted to do or something pushing you both a little beyond your normal dog yard. Like for me, I might take my barely neutered bitch to a remote fly-in cabin with no people around and bring some fun chew toys to play with. You might take her to the coast and take sailing lessons for a couple of days and then the two of you sail your own rental and learn to work the boat and have wild sex on the deck. Oh can I watch?
If you can’t afford all of that, try talking easing her into some fantasy talk. Talk about things you have always wanted to do. Like for me…that little Taco Bell dog…oh my!!!! Can you imagine what I could do with that! Anyway, take her out to dinner, have some wine and then tell her you have been thinking about how you guys should try to be a little more kinky. Then drive around a bit and tell her some of your fantasies and ask to hear ones she likes. Then take her to a hotel room, rent a porn if you have to, and act out or talk out some of those fantasies. Like me squeezing out a packet of fire sauce all over that little dogs feet. I would lick it off slowly and then…. Anyway, you get the idea. OH! And DO NOT JUDGE, LAUGH or HOLD any of her fantasies against her later! So what if she has always wanted to have a dog lick peanut butter off of her $%^&, that’s her thing man! Deal with it! I am available most weekends!
Answer some of the questions I asked and I can get more specific for you. But in the end, you may just have to light a new fire somewhere else.
Yo Quiero Taco Bell baby!
Friday, October 3, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
What do I look like- some asshole in a suit?
Neil the Wheels Gahn said...
"Dear Koyuk,I'm trying to decide what to do with some extra money I have in the bank. Should I refinance the house or invest it in some conservative CDs? Should I take my refinance savings and pay extra on the house or invest in CDs? How does inflation and tax-deductibility factor into this? I need to know for two time horizons, 5 yrs and around 30 yrs.Thanks Koyuk!Neil"
First off, who has Cds anymore! I have all of my humpin-da-bitches music on my iDog! Get with the times snoopy! Okay! Okay! Bad joke. You could go the CD route and make 5o cents a year in interest...but don't be a mutt. Here is the question- do you plan to keep this house past 5 years? If not, invest the money in something safe. If you put it into the house...sorry to say....in the next 5 years you probably won't see it again! It's like- should I make another car payment knowing the transmission is going? Hell no! Sell it. You won't see that payment come back to you. Now, if the house is a keeper...like that fine woman you got...put the money on that debt. Build long term equity. If you build it...it will come...back into your pocket with plenty of interest! But that is longterm. I'm barkin like 2-3 dog years! Got it!
Banks may fail. Hell, the markets may need to become a whole new system. I think one Las Vegas is enough, and it is time to shut down this current stock market system. That said, your house eventually will be worth more than it is today. Eventually. It is possible that 20 years from now we may no longer need a pepsi, or viagra or let's hope, Walmart! But we will need places to live. Of course by then, your house may be on Chinese soil, but they will be good to you. Man I love MooShooPork! Stole some of that of my human's plate last night. Anyway...
To wrap it up, cause I need to scoot my ass on some carpet- less than 5 years in the house and I would go with CDs or your cousin Vinney. More than 5 years and I would lay those chips on the house! Does it have a dog door?
Okay, gotta Scoot. Seriously!
Koyuk
"Dear Koyuk,I'm trying to decide what to do with some extra money I have in the bank. Should I refinance the house or invest it in some conservative CDs? Should I take my refinance savings and pay extra on the house or invest in CDs? How does inflation and tax-deductibility factor into this? I need to know for two time horizons, 5 yrs and around 30 yrs.Thanks Koyuk!Neil"
First off, who has Cds anymore! I have all of my humpin-da-bitches music on my iDog! Get with the times snoopy! Okay! Okay! Bad joke. You could go the CD route and make 5o cents a year in interest...but don't be a mutt. Here is the question- do you plan to keep this house past 5 years? If not, invest the money in something safe. If you put it into the house...sorry to say....in the next 5 years you probably won't see it again! It's like- should I make another car payment knowing the transmission is going? Hell no! Sell it. You won't see that payment come back to you. Now, if the house is a keeper...like that fine woman you got...put the money on that debt. Build long term equity. If you build it...it will come...back into your pocket with plenty of interest! But that is longterm. I'm barkin like 2-3 dog years! Got it!
Banks may fail. Hell, the markets may need to become a whole new system. I think one Las Vegas is enough, and it is time to shut down this current stock market system. That said, your house eventually will be worth more than it is today. Eventually. It is possible that 20 years from now we may no longer need a pepsi, or viagra or let's hope, Walmart! But we will need places to live. Of course by then, your house may be on Chinese soil, but they will be good to you. Man I love MooShooPork! Stole some of that of my human's plate last night. Anyway...
To wrap it up, cause I need to scoot my ass on some carpet- less than 5 years in the house and I would go with CDs or your cousin Vinney. More than 5 years and I would lay those chips on the house! Does it have a dog door?
Okay, gotta Scoot. Seriously!
Koyuk
Fault Lines and Rawhide!
dimwitty said...
"Koyuk,I can't ever seem to make my girlfriend happy. She constantly focuses on what I don't do right. I don't really know how to deal with this, I keep trying to be a better boyfriend and yet with her failing to recognize my efforts and constantly pointing out my faults I am not sure how long I can take it."
ERRRRRRufffff! I am chewing on a piece of rawhide right now! Man I'm pissed! Oopsie...I just pissed. Anyway. Dimwitty- interesting way to see yourself. Sounds like you live up to your name! How does one TRY to be a better boyfriend? Do you have THAT many faults? If her focus is on all of the bad things...are there any good things? I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you are trying and that she really is just that negative. Unless you want to have her get on here and write me too.
You know when I was born I had balls! Yep! A big swingin pair of male meatballs. The F%^*%*'n dogpound took them. I assume for some sick ritual involving a virgin and some priest! I dunno. Anyway, they took MY BALLS! That's my excuse! WHAT IS YOURS???? Who cut yours off? Oh yeah that's right, that bitch in heat who can only smell her own ass and has no interest in seeing the stud you are! Grow a pair! We cannot make dramatic changes for someone else. Nor can someone else expect us to make dramtic changes for them. We simply work on ourselves at out own pace and that is the best we can do. If she is really this bad, then sit her down and explain that you deserve someone who sees you for your strengths and not just your faults. Tell her YOU don't expect HER to change for you and you are not changing for her.
Then sniff out someone better! You are chasing your tail and you should be out chasing other tail!!!!
Erf! Good Luck!
Koyuk
"Koyuk,I can't ever seem to make my girlfriend happy. She constantly focuses on what I don't do right. I don't really know how to deal with this, I keep trying to be a better boyfriend and yet with her failing to recognize my efforts and constantly pointing out my faults I am not sure how long I can take it."
ERRRRRRufffff! I am chewing on a piece of rawhide right now! Man I'm pissed! Oopsie...I just pissed. Anyway. Dimwitty- interesting way to see yourself. Sounds like you live up to your name! How does one TRY to be a better boyfriend? Do you have THAT many faults? If her focus is on all of the bad things...are there any good things? I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you are trying and that she really is just that negative. Unless you want to have her get on here and write me too.
You know when I was born I had balls! Yep! A big swingin pair of male meatballs. The F%^*%*'n dogpound took them. I assume for some sick ritual involving a virgin and some priest! I dunno. Anyway, they took MY BALLS! That's my excuse! WHAT IS YOURS???? Who cut yours off? Oh yeah that's right, that bitch in heat who can only smell her own ass and has no interest in seeing the stud you are! Grow a pair! We cannot make dramatic changes for someone else. Nor can someone else expect us to make dramtic changes for them. We simply work on ourselves at out own pace and that is the best we can do. If she is really this bad, then sit her down and explain that you deserve someone who sees you for your strengths and not just your faults. Tell her YOU don't expect HER to change for you and you are not changing for her.
Then sniff out someone better! You are chasing your tail and you should be out chasing other tail!!!!
Erf! Good Luck!
Koyuk
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Baggy Bottoms
K8 said...
"Hi Koyuk, My boyfriend doesn't seem to like my wardrobe very much. Whenever I wear my sexy gray sweatpants, gray long underwear top, and gray sweatshirt, he complains. Do you think getting some new sweatpants--maybe in a different color--would help? They are, afterall, ten years old and about 2 sizes too big. "
Well K8, there is alot to be said for baggy clothes. I know when I am feeling naughty I like to nibble on loose fabric. I love the way my super dog spit darkens the fabric and the feel of the material on my tongue makes my lipstick dispense. Now as for your great dane of a boyfriend, I suggest you surprise him tonight. Come out wearing the baggy outfit and then slowly strip out of it. Then he will have a positive memory to link that image to. If all else fails, buy spandex and he will never again complain about the sweatpants!
Koyuk
"Hi Koyuk, My boyfriend doesn't seem to like my wardrobe very much. Whenever I wear my sexy gray sweatpants, gray long underwear top, and gray sweatshirt, he complains. Do you think getting some new sweatpants--maybe in a different color--would help? They are, afterall, ten years old and about 2 sizes too big. "
Well K8, there is alot to be said for baggy clothes. I know when I am feeling naughty I like to nibble on loose fabric. I love the way my super dog spit darkens the fabric and the feel of the material on my tongue makes my lipstick dispense. Now as for your great dane of a boyfriend, I suggest you surprise him tonight. Come out wearing the baggy outfit and then slowly strip out of it. Then he will have a positive memory to link that image to. If all else fails, buy spandex and he will never again complain about the sweatpants!
Koyuk
Come On, Let Koyuk Help!
Ask me for some advice and I will bark out what you need to hear! I'm no poodle, so be ready to hear what you need to hear!!
Koyuk
Use the Comments button to leave a question. Then I will respond! Arf!
Koyuk
Use the Comments button to leave a question. Then I will respond! Arf!
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